IN CASE THE TITLE ISN’T ENOUGH: This is heavy material and I am not censoring anything. If violence unsettles you, miss this post. It is tagged accordingly, but I like to cover bases at the start.
I don’t hide the gross sides to my portrayal and honestly, I just saw Severus Snape Did Nothing Wrong and I started screaming internally? So have another headcanon on why my boy is gray, but he’ll fuck you up without goddamn hesitating, and he’ll have fun doing it.
Hey, remember when I did a breakdown of Severus as a Death Eater? Well here is the thing – despite having five counts of murder under his belt prior to his orders from Dumbledore, Severus has only once used the Avada Kedavra curse.
Severus is an inherently violent man and there is no satisfaction to be found in the use of this curse. When Severus first committed murder, it was somewhat premeditated – he didn’t show up with the intention of seeing, let alone killing his father, but he did sit there for two hours and wait for him once he decided to do so.
He sat there for two hours with an iron poker in his hand and waited to mete out upon his abuser every ounce of pain he felt – he didn’t think about the Killing Curse in all that time. He didn’t think about his wand, or how easily he could end Tobias’ life simply by being a wizard. His rage was an all consuming thing, magic didn’t matter in a household where the strongest person was the one with the biggest fists. Magic never mattered in Spinner’s End, so it never occurred to Severus to rely on it for something like this.
Severus exhausted himself when he murdered Tobias. The exertion of force necessary to kill a man larger than himself, even with the advantages of surprise and sobriety, was enormous. Though he had a powerful weapon in hand, clarity was not present enough to finish the job with anything resembling calculation. At first, Severus wasn’t even intending murder – he wanted Tobias to suffer and know fear – but once he started he simply could not stop.
Severus found himself exhilarated by the violence. He knew from his sparring with Lucas that physical violence was cathartic. That it was a great outlet for his anger. In killing his father, Severus found a genuine sense of power over someone that he had never before experienced. It was something that enthralled him, and the fact he was rewarded for it only enforced the pleasure.
After that, Severus truly found his strength in the Dark Lord’s ranks. He had always been good at protecting his own morals in the fold, but after this he became creative and dangerous in ways that made him incredibly valuable. Severus didn’t believe in bloodless deaths – he enforced suffering when he was in charge of gaining information. Alongside Lucas Severus was a horrific person, who found genuine joy in exerting control and power over others.
Avada Kedavra was a cop out. It felt cheap to kill someone without hurting them. It felt lazy – but more than that, it didn’t feel real. It never felt like death had really occurred. It was too silent, too clean, too pretty. Severus considered it a sign of the weak will of wizards to actually mete out violence. Even crucio was nerve directed – utterly bloodless, if noisy. It wasn’t screaming that Severus enjoyed – often times he silenced his victims – it was always the blood that exhilarated him.
Severus always compensated his refusal to harm women and children with rampant violence against men. This was easy to do considering his internalized misandry as a result of his father, his bullies, and figures that should have protected him but didn’t, all being men. After murdering his father, Severus unhinged a little and took that to a whole other level. The Ministry of Magic charged him with:
Murder: 4
Torture: 12
Nobody knew about Tobias. Nobody knew about what he and Lucas did. As I’ve said before and will stress again, Severus personally tortured dozens of men. He did not come to regret his enjoyment of this until much later. It was, in fact, not until he was teaching, and he found himself facing children of people he knew died in the war. People he himself tormented. Guilt came later, as did everything he did for recompense.
All of his efforts for Slytherin. All of his desperate need to defend his students. All of the work he puts in to keeping students from being harmed in his classes. All of the effort he puts forth not just for Slytherin but any child that dares come to him for help, all stems from the acknowledgment of how truly horrific he was, and is, capable of being.
Severus’ sixth murder was with poison. He didn’t trust himself to mete out violence. He did not wish to be that man anymore. He sought every day at Hogwarts to overcome that sickness inside of himself. So yes, my interpretation isn’t going to be a horrific terrible bully of children. But do not think for one second that he is a Better Person than canon Severus because of it. He is like this for very specific reasons I have already covered, but this is about MURDER, not Severus and his relationships with youth.
The seventh murder of Severus Snape was Albus Dumbledore, being the only one to die at his hand by the wizarding world’s forbidden euthanasia curse. This is – in essence how he sees the Killing Curse he cast on the man. Though he had the hate necessary to cast it, old bitterness to call upon to make it work, Severus needed Albus to die mercifully. It was not in him to do unto Albus the sort of things he used to take joy in.
Not only, because he had grown past that anger, that level of violence – but because he had overcome his hatred of Albus, too. Bitter though he was – Severus cared about Albus, and as the Killing Curse is wont to do, killing Albus stole something from Severus that can never be brought back or truly healed. He destroyed a part of himself in using that curse, just as everyone who casts it must. Though he continues to consider it with contempt, the reasons behind that contempt have shifted.
Severus comes to understand the danger inherent in bloodless death. It takes away the guilt, takes away the mess, the horror that should be present. It makes killing easy, and it has no right to be. He spent sixteen years learning to accept the blood on his hands and the wrongness inside of himself for wanting it. Sixteen years struggling to overcome what he had done. When death is easy, guilt has no reason to rise, and people have no reason to change.
In the second war, Severus did not take joy in causing pain. He abhorred it, and often chose to suffer instead. He often found ways to avoid action, taking punishment rather than doling it out, and this, too, was recompense for the past. He is by no means a victim in the second war, and for this reason he does not speak, ever, of the punishments he endures unless absolutely forced to due to some AU element in play. As far as he is concerned, he deserves it. And in many ways – he isn’t entirely wrong.
However.
Severus still fought in that war like he had the devil inside of him. He didn’t torture and he didn’t take joy in causing pain, but that did not stop him from doing what he felt he had to. Severus has overcome many things, but if you corner him, if you put him in a position where it is his role as spy and your life, he will always value the war effort higher. Severus still has a feral side to him, and while it does come out in the second war only in the defense of others, it is still dangerous, and the potential for him to slide into old ways of thinking in order to cope does exist.
I have not written many violent things on this version of Severus blog, but consider this the one and only warning that he is not so good a man, that he will not kill you if pressed. He fights fire with fire, always has, and always will when push comes to shove. There is a part of Severus that will always be screaming never again, and that part of him, if triggered, will unlock a side of him that is very difficult to survive the wrath of.
Severely Archived 