Tag: defiantcharms

“We’ll make this work out.”

{ Arranged Marriage AU }

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So much for not talking about it tonight, Severus mused, looking up at her over the rim of his mug as the chatter in the Leaky Cauldron rose and fell around them. He was quiet a moment before he lowered it, folding his hands around it’s surface for something to focus on before he remarked, “There are worse fates in this life than to be married to your best friend.” 

There were many who often married their best friends by choice, after all. Looking up, he offered her a small smile. “I don’t doubt that we’ll make it work – I suppose it will be more like being roommates than anything else – that’s a fair start, anyway. And if you think about it – we’ve already been there for better or for worse, so it’s not that much different, really.”  

“I can’t believe they’re making us get together.”

{ Arranged Marriage AU }

“I know it isn’t ideal,” Severus – could not bring himself to feel relief over the fact that he had been assigned to someone he was already predisposed to care for, someone he would give anything to protect, when he knew so intimately well how unwelcome he was in her life. “All I can promise is to stay out of your way. I’ll play my part but – I don’t expect anything. These vows were forced upon you and I will not begrudge you for treating them as arbitrary if you so choose.” 

He would not stop her from finding any semblance of happiness, and he knew he would not be the one to bring it to her. That said – for him, the oaths he would soon swear would be as real as if they had chosen this life. He couldn’t imagine giving her anything less than everything, save what she didn’t want.  

“I don’t want you to leave.”

{ Sam Smith Starters } 

Severus hesitated in the doorway, his hand resting on the knob as he considered her words and the weight of what he was walking out to go and do. He knew full well that the chances of him coming back alive were limited, perhaps even lower than she knew – but he also knew that Dumbledore had selected him for this mission because he was both the most likely to return and the easiest disposed of if matters fell out in the worst possible manner. 

It was a clever play – so long as Severus played his part well, they had the opportunity to both gain information and potentially, a powerful ally in this war. One far better suited to this fight than the one being sent forward to acquire him, at any rate. It wouldn’t be easy, but if he thought too long on all the ways this could lead to his demise, he would only lock up and place himself at greater risk.

Sighing, he stepped from the door and went over to her, reaching up to clasp her face in his hands and gaze at her steadily, letting Lily see the strength of his resolve. “I have to do this – I promise I’ll come back. I still have an outstanding IOU for babysitting, right? Can’t die without paying all my debts,” He assured, smiling softly at her in the hopes his humor would encourage Lily not to worry. The last thing he wanted to do was be a cause of concern for her.

❝You gave me a sign just now when you took my hand.❞

{ Russian Literature Starters (2) } 

Severus was quiet for a long moment after that, trying his best to find a way to word what he wanted to say in a way that wouldn’t come across as trite. His gaze challenged those they passed as he considered what else to say, not letting go in his contemplative silence. He and James had never gotten along – and though they had, for the most part, set aside their differences in order to fight a war alongside one another, they had never been friends. 

Regrettable as James’ death was, it was not for him that Severus felt as though the world had grown darker despite the fact the Dark Lord was gone. Lily had loved her husband – and there was nothing that could bring back the smiles James used to place on her lips, or the laughter that he alone was capable of unearthing. Lily had been robbed of something she should have had every reason to hold for granted, and it was galling.

Yet what was truly infuriating was the pedestal upon which she and her infant son were being lauded upon. Severus had always known that Lily was as untouchable and precious as the sun – but hers was a light that needed love to thrive, and with her pedestal came a distance from the world around her that was no more apparent than it was right now, in the way the crowd parted for her like she were some kind of passing messiah. 

Taking her hand had been – instinct, more than anything else. He remembered how utterly lost and alone his mother’s death had left him, even with people all around him, and it had been the anchoring touch of other people that had allowed him to survive the loss. Seeing Lily being isolated by her fame horrified him, and it had – simply made sense in that moment to reach out and hold her in this world, however slightly he could manage. 

“I don’t care for how they treat you,” He settled on finally. “I can let go if you want.”

❝What if my whole life has been wrong?❞

{ Russian Literature Starters (1) } 

Severus was – still uncertain why she had come to him, but he also knew he could not allow her to labour under the impression she had done anything wrong with her life. She was, to this day, the greatest epitome of hope there was in this wretched world – he had dimmed it once, he would not see it blackened any further. Least of all by his own hand, that could so easily have destroyed her completely. 

“It hasn’t.” Succinct, the conviction in those two words was absolute and without a hint of doubt. “You made the right choices – the only fault that fell on you was in your choice of friends. And even there, you overcame those shadows.” Whether he meant himself or Pettigrew mattered little – by his estimation the statement held true for both. 

“You’re going to be alright,” He insisted, knowing this because he could not fathom anything else, “If anyone can walk clear of this, it will be you. Of that, I have no doubts.” 

Our World Divided

defiantcharms:

~

A brief flutter at the peephole before the locks were turned and the door thrown up. “Sev!” Her smile took up her whole face; she hadn’t been expecting him, but a visit from her best friend was never unwelcomed. “God, you’re all bundled up, it must be colder than I thought out there.” Stepping back to let him in, she snapped a scarf off the hook by the door and tossed it onto the chair where her coat was laying, ready to be slung on. 

“I’m making dinner before I head to work. I think there’s enough for two,” she said, voice fading as she disappeared into the tiny kitchen. “I have maybe an hour before I have to go.” Her head popped around the corner to grimace at him; they never got to spend enough time together. “I hope spaghetti is okay. Come on, take your coat off, get comfortable.” A soft laugh; there wasn’t much room for comfort in her tiny flat, where the options for sitting were the rickety chair she’d rescued from the side of the street or the bed. With Severus, though, she wasn’t concerned. They’d been too close of friends for too long to need any sort of formality. Besides, he knew it was the best she could manage on her paltry salary. 

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“What would you like to drink?” 

Her greeting was almost jarring in the warmth that it exuded, his mind still lost in the mire of violence and horror he had seen already today. It was such a stark reminder of the double life he was leading that as he drew off his coat and watched her disappear into the kitchen, he was left adrift in the contemplation of it all. 

Snapping to when she mentioned dinner, he hung his coat up and replied, “I’m not all that hungry, actually.” The idea of eating was – not appealing at the moment. He could still see the blood from the curse that had poured from Destin far too clearly – he could only hope his expression would not give away anything too awful while she ate. 

Heaving a sigh, Severus took a seat on the chair with care not to cause any damage to the rickety thing and wondering not for the first time if he could patch it up with transfiguration. He always got distracted before he thought to suggest it, and he knew today would be no different. 

“I don’t suppose you could call off today?” He asked, not wasting any time getting to the point of matters, if only because he knew it would take some convincing – and with only an hour ahead of him, he did not wish to make any slips because the time restraint made him foolish. 

‘ your love’s so cold i see my breath. ‘

{ PVRIS Starters }

She would know better than he would, of that he could not deny. Love was – a foreign idea, at least in the way that she knew it. In spoken words and open gestures, in the standard of those who did not know to hide their every true intention to spare themselves the scald of impropriety or the pain of a father whose tempestuous temper could no more be predicted than the turn of a war until the ground was already permeated with blood. 

“Then perhaps you should not linger so long in it’s presence.” The words fell from numb lips – not wanting to chase her off, but knowing at this juncture it was the only course of action he had that would make him a better man than his father ever was. Far be it from he to drain the life and the vibrant warmth from Lily the way Tobias had literally suffocated it in Eileen.

His love was tainted, he knew that to be true. No matter what paths he took, someone would be left wounded – but while one path promised him a chance at a life better than he had ever known, the other only lead one way. To the same stricken poverty, the same violence at school amplified by an utter lack of support, and made doubly worse by turning on those who had supported him until now. To the possibility of draining the one good thing in his life until she was nothing more than a husk of what she used to be.

Severus knew he had already begun to poison her with his presence. Her smiles were tighter, her words grimmer. He knew it was the company he kept, but he saw no way to find other company or a safer road. He hated being a cloud on her, hated bringing shade to what was so naturally incandescent. Better that she let him go, and cut him loose, then stay and be left cold around him. 

There was nothing Severus’ company brought her anymore. He knew that well too. There had been a time when he was her only connection to magic – but that had died the day they stepped into this castle. Where he withered she blossomed, and like a weed he was choking her. Holding her back. He was not so selfish, so cruel as to desire being anyone’s shackle and if this was how she felt then it was time to say goodbye. To do anything less would be cowardly and selfish in the worst of ways. 

“For what it’s worth,” Severus fell quiet, and after a moment he swallowed the words he had meant to say ( yours was always blinding ) in favor of something more inclined to help her let him go and not look back, “I never loved you anyway.” He lied, looking her right in the eyes and feeling torn on whether or not he truly wanted her to believe him. 

❝Just because I love you doesn’t mean I won’t kill you.❞

{ Mass Effect Starters } 

If looks could lacerate, Severus would have been made a greater criminal this night than he already knew himself to be. The loss of his mask had been a deliberate act on her part – and he realized she must have recognized something. his casting, his voice – he knew not what she had identified, only that he was made.

Fury coursed through his veins at her words – not because she was here, when he expressly told her not to come to the Ministry tonight, and not because she had dared say love in a context so bizarre as this, but because he knew he had done this to them. He had sworn himself in with his friends, and every act he had taken since to protect himself, to protect them, had all devolved down to this moment, where he found himself facing down the business end of his dearest friend’s wand. All for what? For what? Blood? By all rights, if Voldemort cleansed the Muggleborns, he would be next on the list as a half-blood. He was racing toward extermination all to guard the privileged who would never be aimed at and for nothing but survival. Was this broken world really so worth living in? 

“Then make it quick.” His wand lowered, and no excuse – no reason fell forth from his lips. He would not make this harder for her than it already was – and the longer they lingered, the longer he went with his wand down the greater the risk to her would be. Even if he let her go, there would be someone who would see, someone who would report it. One way or another, tonight he died – and if he had to choose a way to go, he would rather it be at the hand of someone with the right to kill him, than someone who would do it purely for the pleasure.