‘ our lives were never ours. ’

{ Mockingjay Starters }


The attack was tonight – of course it was. The Dark Lord’s thirst for dramatics would naturally be inclined to choose the eve of Samhain – the darker of the two liminal nights – to mark his rise to immortality. Severus had not been informed, not until the Mark flared and fell strangely flat. A flurry of events followed, none of which caught his attention as he raced against the grain of his fellows to apparate himself to Godric’s Hollow. There was none he could turn to if what he feared was true – none but himself he could fault. 

Approaching the house warily, horror settled into his bones as he found the door open. Stepping inside boldly had been his first error – to see for himself a body he had not anticipated, had not deigned to care for either way – leaving him with a strange and sickening sense of guilt. He had never liked James Potter and he never would – but to see him dead had been enough to halt his advance, long enough for Lily to find him still frozen in the wreckage. 

She was alive. Relief washed through him as confusion welled up in it’s wake. How was she alive? The question swirled, and he made no move. She could have struck him down then, easily. He was vulnerable and lost, at fault for all of this, but instead all she did was speak words that granted further credence to a prophesy made true by actions made through superstition and fear. 

“It never should have been like this,” Whether he meant the prophesy and consequent attack itself or the war as a whole, or everything that had caused the estrangement between himself and the woman whose home he had, for all intents and purposes, just broken into, it was difficult to tell. His own voice drew him from his thoughts enough to register this wasn’t over yet.

“It won’t be safe here. You should go.” She needed to gather her son, find someplace safe until this night was at it’s end. His eyes fell to James’ body again, remembering all too readily that same stillness in Destin. Once again the permanence, the futility of this damaging and utterly pointless war struck, and he found himself shifting in the wake of it. The Dark Lord was gone – but his followers were not.

How many would be taken down tonight? How many would flee and hide? How many would lie? Was this truly the dawn of peace, or was this just the calm before a bigger, deadlier storm under a new figurehead yet to rise from the ashes? There was no way to tell. All he knew was Albus had failed as surely as he had – and Lily wasn’t safe here, nor was her son. In the wake of so many unknown variables, it only made sense to focus on the one thing that could truly be affected, and that was insisting Lily leave and sequester herself and her child among friends until the worst had settled.

Though for her, he supposed it already had. 

“And I just want to be alive!”

{ Once More With Feeling }

“And I have no intentions of seeing that change,” Severus’ tone was waspish, unwilling to yield on his actions earlier. He knew he had crossed a line, but what was the alternative? Allow her to get caught up in a battle she had no place being in? It was one he had no desire to be in, but had done what he could all the same – and he refused to regret that. He couldn’t afford to regret anything, not if he wanted to stay alive. 

Relenting just a bit, Severus spread his hands to show he was backing down, to some extent. “There’s – I have no excuse,” Well, that was a bit more honest than he intended, “But there’s no going back now, not for me. So next time I tell you to stay home – please listen!” 

“I saw a world enchanted, spirits and charms in the air”

{ Once More With Feeling }

“That’s what it’s supposed to be like – all the time!” Severus couldn’t help but grin a little – her enthusiasm was infectious. “I mean I always heard great things but – wow. And did you see the ceiling? That’s an enchantment too – I’d love to figure out how they do that. Be nice to have a sunny day when it’s raining or something!”

“Why don’t you come and play?”

{ Once More With Feeling }

“Dad’s home.” The answer was succinct, Severus keeping his small body in the doorway to keep Lily from coming inside. The last thing he wanted was for her to meet old Toby – not that Dad was in a bad mood right now, actually. It might be okay, but he didn’t want to risk it. Dad’s mood could change faster than the weather. “I’ll meet you out at the old tree in an hour – “ A pause, then, “Don’t wait if Im late. Dad might not let me go out.” 

You would smile, and that would be enough.

[ Hamilton Starters ]

There weren’t a lot of reasons to smile these days, especially not now that his mother had banished him from the house on the holidays. He understood her reasons – he did – but he would rather be there with her through it all, than sitting alone in the castle once everyone else had gone off to their families and frivolities. Sure it was never a happy event in the Snape household, but he and his mother always made do. How was it fair that she was going to have to deal with it all on her own, leaving them both alone when they needed one another most?

Maybe he was giving off a vibe or something – he’d been pretty moody for about a week now, knowing the mass exodus from the school was fast approaching and not finding the will to talk about it with anyone. Eric wouldn’t get it – like always he’d just try to invite him to the Avery household and that wasn’t something Severus could consciously abide. Messed up as his situation was, he still knew that Christmas was about family. Lucas would suggest he fight it, but then Lucas was always ready for a fight. Destin might get it, but he had his own problems.

As for Lily – well, if anyone understood, it was her. She knew more than anyone in this wretched institution how shite Christmas was in the Snape household, and how dedicated to his mother Severus actually was. By that measure a part of him thought it should be obvious why he wasn’t smiling – why he didn’t want to smile – but honestly she’d been the one to teach him it was okay to do so years ago.

It only made sense she would try to coax it out of him when he needed it most, even if it was the last thing on his mind. He didn’t obey though, so much as relax the set of his shoulders and drop his head back to stare at the ceiling as he lamented, “I’m bored.”

They both knew it ran deeper than that. Severus wasn’t big on discussions about feelings though. Straightening up, he tilted his head at her, “Why don’t we do something?” Most folk were doing last minute cramming or Christmas preparation, so it wasn’t like the possibility for backlash was high at the moment. Besides, if she wanted him to smile, then something that would occupy his mind instead of thoughts of home and the distinct awareness that all his friends would be leaving in a few days would be her best bet. He didn’t want to deny her something he could give if he could help it.