{ Fear Headcanons } 

Mun Note: I wrote this up and then my goddamn page refreshed and I lost the original eight paragraphs I had going at the time. This may come off as brisk as a result of that, for which I apologize, but as all of this information is poignant I cannot in good conscious not attempt a rewrite so here we go.

First of all, it is exceptionally important to understand that Harry is not a materialistic person. Despite growing up in a neglectful manner that often breeds a sense of covetousness, Harry has always valued the intangible far more than anything he can hold in his own two hands. While there are a few things in his life that hold incredible sentimental significance ( the invisibility cloak, the photo album of his parents that he got from Hagrid, the marauder’s map, his Weasley sweaters, certain books from Hermione and even the odd pairs of socks from Dobby ) there is not a single thing among the lot Harry would grieve the loss off so intently as to lose the will to carry on. While most of them are completely irreplaceable – at the end of the day, Harry cherishes the memories more than their physical manifestations and doesn’t really need to have something perceptibly attached to them in order to function properly.

The three things that Harry cannot live without are all in fact things he would not be able to put into words. In fact, they are even things he registers as weaknesses because of how crucial they are to his wellbeing. Often times, Harry feels like he should be able to live without them because he has done so before – and in verses where he takes active efforts to cleave himself from them, there is a notable decrease in his mental and magical stability and a sharp uptick in reckless behavior. Whether he likes it or not, there are three fundamental things Harry needs to survive – and each one has association to something he can only find in certain spaces, which is why in all end verses where he is healthy, he has in some way found his way back home.

While I will be covering each of these points and subpoints in depth, for those who want to skip the tangential point of this headcanon and simply skim and move along, here is the tl; don’t care version:

• Love & Acceptance: Specifically, why Ron & Hermione are keys to Harry’s mental wellbeing and always will be.

• Intellectual Stimulation: Specifically, why boredom and stagnation are extremely detrimental to Harry’s wellbeing.

• A Sense Of Purpose: Specifically, why defeating Voldemort ruined Harry’s perception of himself.
  

It is imperative to understand that while Harry has an enormous heart and deeply adores all of his friends and the self made family he built for himself at Hogwarts, at the end of the day Ron and Hermione are always going to overshadow everyone else. This is especially important for the adults in Harry’s life to understand – particularly after the war, when he pulls himself away from the oppressive nature of the wizarding world in general in a desperate and in fact very necessary manner.

Harry grew up in a neglectful household – his faith in adults was already quite abysmal well before Hogwarts came into play. At school, Harry quickly found that trusting in adults could be difficult and even dangerous – between the ones who refused to listen and the ones who were determined to kill him, it didn’t exactly sow a great foundation for a desire to rely on adults very significantly and instead lead to Harry turning to his peers more often than not. This, combined with the fact that the two adults who could have taken him from the Dursleys and cared for him were either ineligible or torn from him by unfortunate circumstances, ultimately made it almost impossible for Harry to trust in adults with anything that might be deemed important.

When Sirius died, Harry’s sense of permanence with adults who cared for him was completely and irrevocably shattered. Which is why as an adult, Harry balks significantly from anyone who tries to take a mentoring role with him, or worse, attempts to play at a parental one. He actively rejects the attempt both because it is associated with deep and terrible losses, but also a sense of responsibility and fear that those who step into such a role with him wind up dead. His parents, Sirius, Dumbledore and Remus all did after all – and the two who were supposed to love him hated him so effectively they were able to spare themselves from whatever curse it is that follows him when it comes to parental figures – so his fear is not entirely unfounded, even if it is somewhat irrational at its core.

Harry does not return because he misses the guidance of McGonagall or the motherly care of Mrs. Weasley – rather, he returns for the wisdom and concern of Hermione. Just as he does not return for the kindly advice of Mr. Weasley but rather for the invaluable focus of Ron. Though they are his peers, he values them infinitely more than he does any adult in his life – and that is the blunt, if harsh fact of matters. That is not to say he doesn’t love or respect those adults – it just means if Hermione or Ron were to oppose any of them, Harry would side with his friends without question or hesitation on the matter, despite whatever he may feel toward the adult in question.

The thing to understand about Ron – and I will scream this from the rooftops until the day that I die – is that he has always been Harry’s emotional compass, particularly when Harry is confused or at a loss. Ron was Harry’s very first friend in his entire life – and though they have had bitter disagreements and horrible fights, at the end of the day Harry has always valued Ron’s opinion and position on matters. 

When Ron says things, no matter how hardheaded Harry may be at the time those things do stick, they do have an impact, and they do inspire his actions going forward. Sometimes Harry doesn’t know how he feels about something, and when that happens he turns to Ron – because Ron will always have a passionate opinion, and what he says will always spark something in Harry. Either they will butt heads or they will agree but one way or another it is usually Ron that helps Harry identify his own positions on certain things, and that is something that never goes away which is why, in verses where Ron is not as present in Harry’s life, he can be frustratingly contrary and is often emotionally unstable.

Contrastingly, when Harry needs to make the overwhelming nature of anything and everything feel more manageable, Hermione is the one that he turns to. Her matter-of-fact approach to matters no matter how intense or terrifying they may be has proved invaluable since they were eleven years old and to the day he dies, Harry Potter will always consider the Hermione approach to problem solving to be one of the most effective means of managing the otherwise fucking impossible. 

Harry’s life has always been tumultuous – and he himself has always been something of a tempest. Hermione alone has had the power to tame both into something manageable, and that is something that is especially notable in verses where she isn’t as present in his life – both emotionally and magically, he tends to be more unstable and volatile when she is not around to counter him.

Which leads in rather well to the next point – and that is that Hermione and Harry both have a fascination with magic and learning, albeit very different approaches. Hermione learns through reading and studying – Harry learns through observation and practice – but both of them share an absolute love for magic and understanding that makes their friendship work at a fundamental level despite these differences in approach. 

When Harry doesn’t have something to do – when he lacks anything to occupy him – be it projects or a new area of research – what he is left with is oft-times dangerous introspection and cynical overviews of his life and the societal elements surrounding it. The more time Harry has to himself that is idle, the more his thoughts can turn toward harsh criticisms of either himself or the wizarding world as a whole that can be pretty damaging.

Harry needs to be stimulated and occupied because without constant reminders of what is good and truly magical in the world, he is left with a mountain of grief and survivors guilt, and a lot of varying causes to blame that nothing short of shocking radicalism will impact in any significant fashion – and Harry, better than many, recognizes that all too easily as the seeds of dissension, which are the stepping stones to Dark Lordism and frankly while he has no intention of going down that path, he is too critical not to recognize he will see another Dark Lord rise in this lifetime, and he genuinely cannot say what side he will be on when they do if the platform is presented properly.

A perfect segway into the fact that the entirety of Harry’s life was molded under the fact that it was his destiny to defeat Voldemort or die trying – literally – and all best meaning efforts aside, once that horrible goal was achieved and the hands pushing his fate into position fell away along with it, Harry literally had no idea who he was supposed to be. The boy who kept on living had virtually no idea how to live without a fight, how to live without this overarching understanding that the dark is very real and out to get him, how to live with the understanding that a certain measure of responsibility for loss of life in this war fell on him no matter what anyone had to say to the contrary. Harry was deeply and terribly affected by the war, by the Battle of Hogwarts, by the impact of victory, and most especially by the wizarding world’s desperation to pretend it never fucking happened and all was well now that the wicked wizard was dead.

It is this last point that causes Harry to leave the U.K. and spells out how his life goes based on where he ends up flying off to, but frankly every career choice Harry has made after escaping the oppressive self-congratulatory nature of the Ministry and their stance that killing Voldemort was all the world needed to get better, has been made with the awareness that Something Has Got To Fucking Give. Each decision, each career, was picked because that Version of Harry found a purpose for himself — Harry cannot function without a goal in mind, and each of his career verses has one.

The auror wants to fight to bring the change he wants to see. The healer wants to be there for the ones who are changing the things he can’t. The defense professor wants to guide a generation into making the change that needs to be made. The potions professor wants to nurture the change that his generation is sowing through the next. The vigilante wants to eradicate the idea that destroying a figurehead means obliterating the ideals it stood for. There is a goal and a purpose to each one – and Harry needs that, because without it, he’s completely at a loss with who and what he is, or is meant to be.

And this was a mile long despite losing the original, but I think I covered everything I meant to the first time lmao.