@ Severus, smash or pass: Lucius Malfoy ( with Cissa’s blessing ofc )

When he thought of karma coming back to haunt him for all of his misdeeds in life, he generally envisioned something a great deal more violent than this. Yet, it was a flawless strike – forcing a confession through his lips that had no right to see the light of day was by far a greater violation of his person than any amount of physical violence could equate to. He was too desensitized to it – but this, a humiliation so complete as to be nearly sublime – we precisely cruel enough to account for some karmic dues at last meting their way through to him. He refused to qualify his answer, to say anything more or less than what was expected, and even that was damnation in and of itself. “Smash,” It was grit out so softly, it would be a damned wonder if anyone actually heard it.

@indiscretus

♬ – DIRGE (Severus)

{ Monstrous Headcanons }
♬ – DIRGE – a habit, hobby, or obsession they can’t seem to shake.

Occlusion. Severus is constantly occluding every single moment of the day – this is as much out of necessity as it is out of habit so ingrained it has become second nature. He keeps his surface thoughts aggressively inane – especially at Hogwarts, where he first developed the habit.

The Marauders had such a preternatural ability to find him when he was alone as opposed to when he was with any of his dorm mates or friends ( which was exceptionally often – enough so that their ability to find him on his own was shockingly notorious and alarming ) he became convinced that one of them was a legilimens and began actively practicing shielding himself at school in the hopes of fending them off. While this ultimately failed, it only encouraged him to try harder – ultimately aiding in developing what would one day become one of the most formidable occlusion shields of the era.

While this seems innocuous enough, it leads into particular complications when it comes to Severus when he needs to be open and willfully allow his mind to be penetrated – either by Dumbledore or Voldemort, the two most powerful legilimens of the age.

While I have discussed the methodology of occlusion in depth already, it is paramount to understand that the tricks Severus employs on Voldemort are the very same ones he employs on Dumbledore, albeit for very different reasons. While for Voldemort Severus needs to present his hatred and his contempt, for Dumbledore Severus must present his commitment and his certainty and his absolute faith.

Which frankly – he does not fucking possess toward Albus Dumbledore. He DOES NOT trust Albus, not with his life and certainly not with his emotions. Albus has never once showed him anything resembling respect or kindness – he is, to Severus, absolutely no different from Voldemort – he is powerful, and has the world convinced they must bow to his whims. If Albus is a better man – Severus has no reason to know it.

So he focuses his energy on the people he does have that absolute faith in, the people he is absolutely committed to, and his absolute certainty that he will not fail them. He presents everything he is willing to present, and he conceals through redirection and the absolute and frank sureness that something is completely inconsequential in order to ensure it is overlooked.

While after a decade of serving as a teacher Severus comes to respect Albus, by the time of the second war when he is consistently revealing himself to the man in order to ensure the war effort succeeds – he is also absolutely occluding and keeping Albus from anything that might force the two of them to acknowledge the grim truths of their positions. Severus considers it better to maintain the pretense that his life holds value to Albus Dumbledore than to know for certain that it simply cannot.

IN CHARACTER JUDGEMENT CALL

RULES : you can only say guilty or innocent . you are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you or asks you . repost , don’t reblog !

Asked someone to marry you ? – innocent.
Kissed one of your friends ? – guilty.
Danced on a table in a bar / tavern ? – innocent.
Ever told a lie ? – guilty.
Had feelings for someone whom you can’t have ? – guilty.
Ever kissed someone of the same sex ? – guilty.
Kissed a picture ? – innocent.
Slept until 5pm ? – innocent.
Fallen asleep at work / school ? – guilty.
Held a snake ? – guilty.
Been suspended from school ? – innocent.
Worked at a fast food chain / restaurant ? – innocent.
Stolen something ? – innocent.
Been fired from a job ? – innocent.
Done something you regret ? – guilty.
Laughed until something you were drinking came out of your nose ? – innocent.
Caught a snowflake on your tongue ? – guilty.
Kissed in the rain ? – innocent.
Sat on a roof top ? – guilty.
Kissed someone you shouldn’t ? – guilty.
Sang in the shower ? – innocent.
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on ? – guilty.
Shaved your head ? – guilty.
Slept naked ? – guilty.
Made a boyfriend / girlfriend cry ? – innocent.
Shot a gun ? – guilty.
Still love someone you shouldn’t ? – innocent.
Have / had a tattoo ? – guilty.
Liked someone , but will never tell who ? – guilty.
Been too honest ? – innocent.
Ruined a surprise ? – innocent.
Been told that you’re beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said ? – innocent.
Still have communication w/ your ex ? – innocent.
Cheated on someone ? –

innocent.

Got so angry that you cried ? – innocent.
Tried to stay away from someone for their own good ? – guilty.
Thoughts about suicide ? – guilty.
Thoughts about murder ? – guilty.
How about mass murder ? – innocent.
Stalked someone ? –

innocent.

Had a girlfriend / boyfriend ? –

innocent.

Gotten totally drunk during a holiday ? – guilty.

tagged by: @icarianfate

tagging: @indiscretus / @intolerablexsacrifice / @least-among-hamiltons / @lightsailing ( bram & bonny – or whomever you like xD ) + anyone who wants to!!

WHICH PLANTS SYMBOLIZE YOUR MUSE’S ATTRIBUTES?

Stole it from @willowguarded

DANDELION

Scrappy and tough, you’re a pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps kind of person. You don’t give up easily and you often thrive in situations that others would find discouraging. You have an instinct to serve others and see yourself as most useful in times or places of crisis, but you may over rely on your toughness and forget how sensitive you really are.

FENNEL

You’re quiet, sometimes shy, with a tendency to be reserved. You have a humble, kind nature and often find yourself taking care of others. You can be known to hold things in, and you don’t always speak up for yourself. This tendency to hold things in can lead to disturbances.

PEPPERMINT

Unflappable. You are cool in the crisis, calm in the storm, collected amongst the chaos. You’re a breath of fresh air, a waft of inspiration to the down-and-out, a refreshing, inspiring, uplifting person to be around. Of course, even a cool cucumber like yourself can run into trouble. You may try to take on too much, which can leave you feeling weighed down and not quite yourself.

Tagging: @technicallyaferret @ofsubtlearts @furryproblem @lockhcrts @amphiisbaena ( bellatrix / pansy or tom ) @deielectus

WHICH GREEK GOD / GODDESS DO YOU REFLECT THE MOST?

Artemis. In the classical period of Greek mythology, Artemis was often described as the daughter of Zeus and Leto, and the twin sister of Apollo. She was the Hellenic goddess of the hunt, wild animals, wilderness, childbirth, virginity and protector of young girls, bringing and relieving disease in women; she often was depicted as a huntress carrying a bow and arrows. The deer and the cypress were sacred to her. In many modern practices, she is recognized as a protector of lesbians.

Tagged by: The lovely @maskforged
Tagging: @amphiisbaena / @brokenpair / @cleavedsoul / @furryproblem / @inquisitivewitch / @ofsubtlearts / @prodigalpercy / @saturninebravery / @technicallyaferret

B- Broken- what it takes to break them, C- Can’t- one thing that they can’t do in life/refuse to do, J- Jealous- how easily they get jealous

{ Alphabetical Headcanons }

B- Broken- what it takes to break them

Honestly – it takes a lot. Severus has walked through hell the better majority of his life and the list of things that have truly, genuinely broken him are alarmingly short. For a man as depressed and suicidal as he can be, he has a ferocious amount of spite that keeps him running in a lot of cases – and when spite isn’t enough, he has either desensitization or violence to compensate with.

To give an idea of what it takes to break this man, here’s a list of the things that have successfully managed to destroy him:

His mother’s death when he was sixteen, compounded with the awareness they could have afforded her care if his father hadn’t drank the money away. That, and the fact that he was responsible for burning her corpse because they couldn’t afford a funeral all added up to Severus turning sectumsempra on himself and ultimately being kept from death by the timely intervention of Destin Wilkes and later, Poppy Pomfrey.
Finding that his father had destroyed or sold what little his mother held dear, thus ultimately resulting in Severus killing the man. He was nineteen at the time.
Destin’s death when he was twenty. The man turned rogue on a raid and started attacking fellow Death Eaters before the aurors showed up. He was taken down by a violent curse and Severus nearly died trying to save him.
Lily’s death when he was twenty one, resulting in him committing himself to a life of subterfuge with no guarantee it would pay off.
Learning about the abuses one of his Slytherins was facing, thus resulting in Severus straight up murdering the father of one of his students. He was twenty five.
Eric’s death in the second war when he challenged Voldemort and was literally ripped apart by Greyback. Severus was made to show his allegiance was unshaken, after which he had to tell Lucas what happened and got into a righteously violent fight while heavily disadvantaged that nearly got him killed. After the violence, it was the first time Severus cried since Lily’s death – he was thirty four at the time.
Being asked to kill Albus Dumbledore and secure his role at Voldemort’s side in so doing.
Being told Harry has to die so that the war may be won.

C- Can’t- one thing that they can’t do in life/refuse to do

Forgive himself.

J- Jealous- how easily they get jealous

Honestly it depends on what the situation is? Sometimes he is 0-60 in seven seconds flat and other times it takes him eight years to even realize he should, maybe, perhaps, object around here somewhere.

S-N-A-P-E

{ Alphabetical Headcanons }

S- STRENGTH- where they find their strength

Coffee, mostly. Some days it really is that hollow – he has built routines that he follows by rote, and there are things he does every morning that are like goals. Each and every day, Severus has to convince himself that getting out of bed and living another day is worth it – that there’s a point to doing so.

Some days are easier than others. Hell some days he doesn’t really have to struggle beyond it’s sunny outside or something equally inane and simple that indicates he’s in a positive swing. Depression is on the downlow, he can function normally, and the first thing he does after getting dressed is enjoy a coffee in the sunlight.

Other days are tougher. Sometimes he has to go through a whole mantra of reasons to get up – ranging from the positive, to the annoying, to the grim and upsetting. In the end, on those days, the controlling factor is, figure it out after coffee.

Getting up for that coffee – that’s the trick. Its his reward for getting up. Its his reason for getting up. It’s not much, but it works – and in the end, that is all that matters.

N- NEGLIGENCE- what they can be negligent about

Appearance and self care, honestly. He’s generally on top of everything else, but he literally doesn’t give a shit about himself so…

A-AROUSAL- what gets them aroused quickest

That’s a mindswitch that’s worthy of whiplash, wow. Honestly though, it really depends on the situation and who Severus is with? In some cases it might be praise, in others it might be a kiss to his neck. It’s extremely situational so I don’t really have a straight answer for it.

I can state that with @forgedinflame ( who is? the only active ship on the blog anyway ) all it takes is being picked up and set on the counter – that usually means being held and kissed for awhile, so you could say he’s been conditioned to respond positively

¯_(ツ)_/¯

P- PERSISTENT- how persistent can they be about something

Severus is more stubborn than a Hungarian Horntail have you met this man? When he sets his heels in the only people who can make him budge are the literal gods of the magical world, Albus Dumbledore or Lord Voldemort. The two top bitches of the United Kingdom each have a firm grip on the shock collar remote and Severus knows how to play good puppy when he has to. Other than that, good luck setting him off his path once he sets his mind to something.

E- EAGER- something they are eager to do in life

Sleep. Honestly this man just wants to rest and not wake up, and know that if he doesn’t – it’ll be okay. He just wants to go knowing he did what he was supposed to, canon wise. Main verse – well, I guess you could say he’s learning how to live, and find passion, find reason to continue.

What sort of things cause Severus to disassociate?

There are not many things, which – considering his position in life – is rather fortunate. Severus dissociates in two ways. The first and easiest one to discuss is deliberate – while the other is intimately tied to his thousand-yard stare.

Deliberate disassociation generally comes into play when Severus is in an abundance of physical pain. He will retreat behind his occlusion walls and forcibly disconnect himself from what is happening. This is extremely dangerous and unhealthy, and has contributed to both his high pain tolerance and his extensive nerve damage over the years.

Severus will not allow himself to dissociate during Death Eater meetings in the Second War, but he did disconnect during the first, particularly when attacks involved women or children. It was a hard line for him that put him in the line of fire multiple times before he established enough of a position and reputation for himself to not be involved in such events.

Which leads us to his thousand yard stare, which we actually do see in Deathly Hallows with Charity Burbage. Severus was not unaffected by her predicament, but he could not afford to appear anything less than unmoved. He was low key disconnected at the time – focusing inward so that he could present an uninterested visage when really, everything about this situation stands starkly against his morals. Which, while gray in many regards, are starkly black and white when it comes to violence against women.

Severus pulls memories like these into a pensieve as soon as he can in order to disconnect himself from the volatile emotions they build up inside him, affording him the ability to function and – if need be – go over the memory and relay information regarding it without being affected. This is, very literally, due to self medicating himself into oblivion in order to cope, which is, in its own way, a sort of deliberate disassociation.

What can cause his soul to straight up ascend without his deliberate action is forceful, physical action while the other party is inebriated and he is in a position where he cannot fight back. This is very specific and has only happened twice since his father died, but it is notable all the same. Severus just shuts down and responds on autopilot because he cannot functionally cope in that situation if violence in turn is not a viable option.

Yonderly. 😊

{ Unusual Word Headcanons }

Yonderly: What kinds of things do they think about when they zone out?

Honestly when Severus zones out he doesn’t really think of anything in particular. His ‘dead space’ is more a sort of white noise in his mind and is generally a sign that he is disassociating.

However, he can at times appear zoned out when he is rebuilding his occlusion layers and reinforcing his mental defenses. Or, in some cases, should he need to fill his mind with ‘surface noise’ because he is entering a room with a known legilimens, he will flood the space with calculations, ingredients and formulas for his potions. He may throw in some things that annoyed him through out the day, for no other reason than to appear as though he actually has a life of some sort to the casual mind observer.

If he is feeling particularly vindictive he may contemplate the benefit of using students as potions ingredients, but this is usually just his way of annoying Dumbledore when the man calls him in for one of his ‘tea talks’ that are ever so enjoyable and pointless.

_{COGNITIVE ASSESSMENT}

_{BOLD what your muse often experiences.
ITALICIZE what your muse only sometimes experiences.
STRIKE what your muse would never experience.
tag your mutuals to do the same!
please repost. Do NOT reblog!}

~~alcoholism~~. amnesia. anxiety. appetite loss. ~~binge eating~~. co-dependence. cynicism.defensiveness. denial. depersonalization. depression. derealization. devaluation.displacement. dissociation. ~~drug abuse~~. dysphoria. emotional detachment. flashbacks.flat affect. guilt. hallucinations. hypersomnia. hypervigilance. ~~hypochondria~~. idealization.insomnia. intellectualization. introjection. isolation. love bombing. low self-esteem.narcissism. night terrors. obsessive compulsion. overeating. panic attacks. passive aggression. paranoia. phobias. projection. psychosis. rationalization. regression. repression.restrictive eating. risky sex. self-harm. somatization. splitting. sublimation. suicidal ideation.sleepwalking. suppression. thousand yard stare. triggers. trust issues. violence. whiplash temper.

_{tagged by: the wonderful @maskforged
tagging: @cleavedsoul / @furryproblem / @lockhcrts / @ofsubtlearts / @technicallyaferret}